The HSP in Love

The HSP is often someone who needs to feel depth in whatever they do but at the same time they often do not wish to jump into something without first considering the implications of taking on something new, possibly because they are aware of how deep they may feel they will wish to get involved in what they choose to start. Relationships, particularly love relationships, are important in respect to this. Many HSPs will not embark on a new relationship lightly and may take time to let themselves truly commit but once they do the depth of feeling from an HSP can be very profound, the love can be strong.

HSP and the Boredom Factor

Because of the depth of processing for an HSP, and the need to also sometimes be cautious when considering taking on new pursuits, many HSPs can find that they reach, within close loving relationship, a time when they find it hard to meet their own need for depth within their relationship but also withdraw sometimes from engaging in shared experiences  that might facilitate that key depth which can be enjoyed and shared by both people within the relationship. It is these shared activities that Elaine Aron feels keeps the boredom factor away  and the love alive in relationships for HSPs. As Elaine Aron states in her book Psychotherapy and The Highly Sensitive Person “but we have found that relationships will still be perceived as self expanding if, again, the couple engage in self expanding activities together” (p160).

The Need to Experience Life Deeply and Create

Dr Wayne Dyer refers to the ability to experience life through intention rather than just ego. Intension is where we feel it, feel deep connection, rather that purely personal ego satisfaction. This feels relevant for the HSP particularly in relation to love and sharing. Dyer refers to the seven faces of intention. The first face of intention that he refers to is the face of creativity. This face of intention is part of a deep very personal and unique spiritual awareness that many HSPs feel. The face of creativity has an intention, a deep desire, to create and co-create, hence we are here we exist, and this face of creativity that exists for us all according to Dyer (The Power of Intension, p27) “ originates in the life giving spirit that intends you”.

Creative Sharing Together

For many HSP’s it is all to easy and comfortable to get stuck in a rut in a safe home, safe routine and safe habits. Maybe it's go to work, know you will come home to the partner you trust, have supper together in front of the TV or maybe sit next to each other chat about the day, read a bit and then comfortably go to bed at the usual time. This is safe and very much a secure base for a trusting relationship but it is not expansive. After a while the ability to feel life, it's depth, which an HSP so needs and craves, may not be met within this situation.

Many HSPs, creative that they are, at this point may seek solitary stimulation to find that depth, such as reading a good novel, being involved in a solitary hobby that they feel passionate about. But without the sharing of a joint creative pursuit then this focus on only  solitary creativity can lead to a disconnection within a love relationship over time and before you know it the relationship has lost its sparkle, something is missing, and you are both going down different paths. As Elaine Aron highlights (Psychotherapy and The Highly Sensitive Person, p161) the bottom line is that for an HSC it's important to engage in pleasing, novel and exciting activities together with your friend or lover or any important relationship, in order to share together and maintain the depth through a shared self expansion.